Friday, April 22, 2011

this is my story

                                                                 A Childs Tear
                                                           Written By John Baima


Written on August 1, 2010
(323) 830-3402

I John Edward Baima was born in the year 1960 it was a nice day January 13, at 4:34 pm. My Father was (John Wesley Baima)   (Betty Joann Sherriod Baima )
 In the city of Santa Monica at General Hospital I was Breached   my mother I had polio, while I was inside her my father was the carrier When my father found out that I had polio he told my Mother that can not be my child my child would be normal. My Father’s mother was praying that I would die so my father would not have a child from his loins. This way she would have him just to take care of her you Anna were old country Italian if you give birth to a child who is not of family stauncher then you put that child to death this was you name it was not to be tarnished. When I did not die, she told my mother. She was crazy but my mother put up with a momma’s boy who left his mother to get out from her thumb.    This is me at 1 month old after being in
the a comma for a year
            As you can see Polio Neuromuscular Atrophy  did do something my legs were weak at first it I was not able to turn over by myself and my mother would walk back and forth across the floor I kept crying and throwing up knew what was wrong it was not until Rancho Las Amigo’s got a hold of me they told my mother it was Polio my body to change first at the age of 2 years old a therapist broke my right wrist with a 20 pound weight as you can see in this photo my arms were frail  But My wrist were normal as well as my body . Not until I got to Rancho was there nothing wrong thin they screwed my body up.       Here we are in front of our home in Hawthorn. She was twenty two here then as I grew more and more doctors tried to experiment on my little body they told my mother that I would never walk because of polio my legs did not support my body she worked  on my legs every day doing exercises my legs got stronger but it was not until I was six years old when my grandmother and grand father took me to a Kathrin Coolmen at Angela’s Temple I fell asleep as I was sleep I saw Jesus he told me to raise and walk when I woke I told my grandma to remove my braces she did I walked  up and down the isles , there was an usher their who was about to take the offering I asked if I could do it he said yes God must be working in you who am I to stop God while he is working soon I found my way down to Kathrin Colman my grandpa carried all my braces as well as my Milwaukee brace wheelchair and brought the up on stage he told Kathrin Colman that I was paralyzed when I arrived and was unable to sit up my self when I woke up I was able to sit up by myself and I  told my grandma  to take off all of the braces  when I did I  walked for the first time . Right after church grandma took me home my mother came in to the House with my little brother Derryl in her arms.
         Grandma told my mother to wait by the door My Mother said why I need to put Derryl Down. Grandma said you will see “Johnny get up from their and walk to your Mother “.I got up from the couch and ran to my mother she began to cry. The happiness she felt over came her little man was healed now I would never have to go to doctors again I thought. I do not know why she took me back to Rancho but she did.  The next day when my mother took me to Rancho was.
           Dr. William Parry P.H.D who was my Doctor for Polio came into the examine room my mother told him to wait she lifted me, off the table and stood me on the floor. As I began, to walk to him with out the braces, the look on his face as he  called out to the other Doctors who were near by to come running to see what was wrong they could be leave what they were seeing. I the worst polio victim they had ever seen. In addition, they said. He would never walk let alone sit on his own but here I was walking.

       My mother said see Lord God dose exist this is proof. My mother gave the doctor a book by Kathrin Colman.” I Believe in Miracles “.Right away they came up ideas going through his head but He stated after see this so do I.
      We went home the doctor wanted to see me the next week .I do not know why my mother took me back I was normal. I could walk sit run dress myself as well as climb stairs, but she did. The first thing they did was tell her there was a problem with my lungs witch there was nothing wrong with them they had to prove it was a trick they said God did not exist so once they got me in the hospital .They started poking prodding they cut into the groin part of my body . To see if I had some thyroid problem that maybe caused late development but they found nothing.

      Now Dr. Parry said if I left the Milwaukee brace on I would get stronger in the spine but when he went on vacation one of the Dr. Wong got a hold of me.  He put in traction and put a Harrington rod in my spine  I told him that Dr. Perry wanted me to stay in the  Milwaukee brace I should be fine and.  They put me in the first foster home. With Evelyn Jasonus who had three children who she adopted there was Michael age 15 , Carol 16 , .Carol was the oldest then Michael 15 Gigi  6 then there was me 9 I shared a room With Michael who acted like . Any other older brother with a new little brother he was going to mess with my mind soon after getting there he started doing things I knew nothing about    

     And the Foster mother was caught up with a swimming program she wanted me to become some kind of swimming star that when my back collapse. Mike started teaching me thing about thing my mother never told me about sexes when he told me to put my hand on his penis I did not know this was sex the longer .I stayed the more he taught me, Evelyn so left me in Michaels hands to teach me everything he threw me in the deep end of the pool once in the pool I went to the bottom of the pool and he waited until I came up for air as.
     I called out for help he stood there and watched me I almost drowned then and only then he jumped in to help me only then did he come in the pool. As you can see by Floor plane how know one in the house could see what was going on in pool area and this went on for two years until I broke my hip the bathroom kept a throw rug down in the bathroom she was told not to have it but she said she wanted her house to look good when I fell Evelyn Took me to her Doctor Not Rancho So when I got back to the house my Right leg Was Curved. While it was broke I slept on Dinning room Table I had the cast on for three weeks when  Evelyn Told  Michael go to the hard were store and by a plaster saw and to  removed the cast and when I told her it was still broke.  She stated “I had to sleep back in the room“.  I’ am having a party and you are in the way“.
            Michael took the Cast off and took me into the room I was crying during the time it was still broke and it hurt.
When he got me into the room he started to molest me again this time in the basement tying me to a bed frame. I was crying but he still would not leave me alone, he took me down to the basement and tied me to a bed frame put his cock up my ass.
          Now his peace of ass was back were it belonged. This went on for three month. While I was healing I still had to swim while this was happening. My leg bowed at the feamer swimming for eight hours every day. About then when my mother showed up With Danny Faiggonbomb to see me.
         Evelyn told my mother to get the hell of her property my mother saw my face it had three degree burns when I came to the door .Evelyn had Michael take me back into the room were he put his hand over my mouth to keep me quit. Evelyn  called the cop’s when they got their my mother told them that her son was illegally taken from her and she want me back Evelyn told the police she was the foster the mother left him at Rancho Los AMIGO’S  she was not going to give me up with out
          The social workers word and she was not at work it was a Sunday. The cop has told my mother that she could see me but that was all until she saw the social worker on Monday. My mother came into the house were she sat my mother down in the living room Evelyn and told my mother everything she has done to me as if the broken leg the three-degree burn on my face from the sun and the best thing of all how Michael loved his new Brother. My mother was horrified buy what she was hearing, my mother kept her head.
          Then she had Michael bring me out to see her, I asked her when can I come home she told me she had to talk to the social worker Mrs. Marry James, the next day. Mother said to me do not worry son, I will get you home. The next day came Mrs. Jasonus took me to Rancho. Once their I told  Mrs. James everything that went on of Corse when I told her the full story she twisted it around to were it made my Mother look  Like the one who did all the bad things, when it was ,
           Mrs. Jasonus was letting Mike do the entire thing he had done to me. You see Mrs. James was a friend of Mrs.  Jasonus and what they had planed to gather up enough information to satisfying a judge to take me away from my mother just to satisfy.
          Michael’s sex drive buys adopting children until he was happy the two girls were not what he wanted. The problem was he was a saddest even though they had no clue how to help him instead of putting other children as risk they should have sent him to a therapist.
           When we got to court the judge read to the court  the brother has raped the child, I was not in court if I was I would have told him the truth Michael raped me the judge should have been told the truth. Michael was not my brother! Derryl is my brother and he was only two years old at the time so he could not have done the entire thing that where brought up in court. Then he asked if the mother broken the legs state told that the mother put a rug in the home.
           Mrs. James stated to cause the child to fall. The judge came back and stated my mother would loose  her rights and so I ended up in a nether foster home witch was the Crandles this home was in la Pointe this home had a father who was gone a lot and his wife was Mormon their was a deaf boy who came over once an while.
            Mrs. Crandle was a hard woman to understand she went to temple but she had a evil side and a nice side it seemed like a switch came on ,she fed me spoiled milk when I got sick she fed it to me again then she tied me to the toilet for several days then she made me shit my paints and sit in it and go in my paints over and over again then she made me wash my cloth out she shook me so hard she broke both arms at once when her husband came home for dinner I was trying feed myself but could not raise my arms.  When he asked what was wrong I told him I could not lift my arms he looks at,
           Mrs. Crandle and said what the hell did you do? She replied he got my floor wet I shook him he is ok Mr. Crandle pick me up in his arms and put me in the car took me to Rancho they tried to set my arms but was unable since it was late I had to go back. When I got back to the house that night her husband told her to leave me alone , the next morning when she sent me to school she dressed me like  GIRL  the school counselor  call Mrs. James she arrived at the school she brought me back to the home . When I spoke to her husband about what she did, he yelled at her the next day she had me piss in a cup and drink it when I told her husband he took me back to rancho to save my life.
          Once at rancho a new Doctor H. Woung took over my case. Dr. Perry was on Vacation so he felt because my back had collapsed to a sixty degrees I need the spinal fusion during the surgery the broke my neck witch has made it hard for to turn my head thin they  Placed me in a vertical lumbar suspension my arm were hanging or placed on my stomach , after a while they  lock in place by my elbows had contractor witch made it impossible to lift my arms as I used to and during the surgery they broke my neck they why I am unable to turn my head to the right after getting out of traction I was  put into a  cast . By the time was I ready to go the next home was In MR. Al and Marvel Osborn they were the best home I ever was in they had several boys in the home with cocker spaniels they taught me what love was   we took care of 18 show dogs we groomed the dogs and showed them every other week. They had all disabled young men in the house she made us feel like we were a part of the process of caring and showing of the while I was one of the youngest boys there was only one incident which happen on 

New Years Eve I and Johnny Mayes went to two of the young Nabors boys who help take care of us had to watch for the evening because the older teens were having a  New Years eve party we were playing cards one boy said we could play poker in the bedroom

when I lost he had me take off my paints then he lost a hand he took off his paints when his older brother came in and saw what he was doing he ran down the street to get his mother when they came back to see what was happening Marvel my foster mother came with his mother.  Marvel hugged me and told it was not my felt they sent that boy to military school when he got back he apologized to me but I felt betrayed, shortly after that was when Marvel and Al her husband retired they went to live in Ohio were they still live today Johnny and I would go and live with Jackie who was the house keeper Johnny died in my arms he had Muscular Dystrophy he had an upper respiratory problem. which caused him to stop breathing during the night I was going to the bathroom when Johnny May’s was having a hard time breathing so I called out to Jackie who was asleep in her room she came running when she and I started doing compression on his chest he stop breathing she told me to call 911 so I did the ambulance They were their in three minutes they tried to revive him but he died on that day my heart was broken he was like having someone to look after like a little brother. A few weeks when.  
              My mother took me home for about 2 weeks when she found out what had gone through in the foster homes she got a phone call.
              From Mrs. James who told her I had Homosexual tenses my mother came home in tears she asked me what had happened I told her I was rapped I tried to tell her that I was a woman in side . She told the mother Pat who was a very wild woman what had happened to me. She told my mother not to worry but my mother was not convinced.  You see she was worried about my brother who was younger thins me and she thought I going to have sex with him but that was the furriest thing from my mind. So Pat and my Mother had idea of changing houses.  Everyone was open to this, but I noticed every time Rudy and my brother were always getting nude.  And running around to the striker song. Therefore, I thought it was fine to see other boy nude they would wresle, nude one time the younger brother saw Rudy and my brother were on the bed nude. When Rudy younger brother said, he wanted to play my mother druged me into her room.  Asked me did you do anything to those boys? I told her no.  At the end of it all Pat told my mother she had nothing to worry about it every thing went back to normal my brothers birthday came up we went to Ferrles ice cream Parlor. We had what they called the zoo it started, by my brother wanted to play a little trick on me. He asked mom can I she replayed yes it is your day well my brother took ice cream and put it on the right side of my face. When I said mom she got the other side. This broke the ice the whole place into a giant ice cream fight .The whole place got envoled at the end. My mother started laughing so hard she wet her paints she asks me to tell my brother for his jacket. I had seen she was wet.  She wore white paints witch showed everything if you know what I mean now everyone who was there. Every one who was there was covered in frosting green and white. Pat and mom decided to race home, when we got home.  The phone was ringing it was Pat she told my mother she had been arrested. In addition, was in jail my mother asked to talk to the officer. Pat told he was busy with booking her and could come to the phone mom hung up.

            She told Derryl and me to go out back to see if her car was there. It was not mom called the police station. Asked the officer “do you have a woman there that is covered in green frosting. All over her, the officer said no mama we do not. Now the hunt was on, mom took off running through the building she first saw Ronny then Rudy soon she saw Pat hiding under a car they both ran into the building. They both fell into the pool; the manager of the building came out to see what was going on.  All the boys got nude and jumped into the pool it was one giant mess ice cream and frosting everywhere.
            Now all this was fine until the night my mother arranged that a woman who lived in the building would have sex with me, she paid this woman to seduce me, but the woman gave me malt liquor. Then told my mother everything. I was not able to perform the sex she had hoped for my brother and I and Rudy got drunk as well, in the middle of the night Derryl had through up on my side of the bed So I climb into bed with Rudy as I was sleeping Rudy became arouses so when I felt it pushing up against me I turned over and started sucking on him he seemed to like it so I kept going until climax.
           That is when Derryl saw us he ran into my mothers room and he told her what I was doing. She could not handle it she took me to the police station were they first took Rudy interviewed him and asked if I forced him. He said no!
         However, my mother would have the police take me to juvenile hall. The first night  I learn more about sex by younger men in jail  then what I learn out side the jail a young man who 9 years old told me I was going to be his bitch I told not with that little thing you have there I told one of the Guard’s. They just said well in here it is done or die. In there I learned how to pick a lock how to block the door to stay open.
          The they put my into the dorm room six bed a boy on my right leaned over and started sucking my dick the guard saw and did nothing. The next day I told the guard that my Social Worker name was.
         Mrs. James She came and got me out after that I went to a home in Montclair the father was black the mother was white they had a deaf boy who was in school for the deaf he would come home on week end one week end he tried to molest me when I said no he pushed me on to a lamp that did not have a light bulb in the socket I fell with my nose landing on it witch broke it when this happened the mother flipped out.
          She knew something was wrong with him since he had been at that school he had been getting in trouble there but not this.
        She called Mrs. James and explained what had happened she told her to have my nose check and send me back to school .I  was going to Hacienda heights high school where I came up with a talent show for the student there was this teacher that taught dance there she invited me to join the class I learn how to really dance ballet I got real good I could spin on one foot but soon Mrs. James Moved me to   El Monte California in this boys home there were two other boy’s in the home the first thing I saw was in the front bed room the young man was smoking pot they did not say a word to him they just closed the door then they took me through the house to the back room their were bunk beds they told the young man I would be his roommate then they left we talked for a while then went to dinner later that night I asked him how long  he has been there he told me about two years oh he told me he was in  another home before. He told me where It was shock me he had be at Evelyn’s before me and I got the impression that Michael did not like blonds he and I talked all night about Mike I asked him if he went into the basement he said no when I told him were it was he told me Mike went a lot farther with me then him. The next day we went over to a house that was part of the house, we were in. At the house, we were getting ready to swim in the changing room.  To go into the  pool they asked if I could swim I said yes so I went to get into my swim trunks when a big boy came in and took off his shorts and stood right in front of me he said suck it when I said no he said if you don’t I will kick your ass.  It so I had to tell the foster home what happen. They called Mrs. James she came over the next day and pick me up.
               She thin took me to Mount View state Hospital  in Eli Monte it was the third of June , I did not belong there it was a mental hospital . In addition, everyone there knew I did not belong there but here I was I called my mother and told her were I was. It was July 4th came we played Bingo so I won a tray of cupcakes so I figured I would share so, I offered some to the other patient when it came to this woman I was not aware of her mental status so when I offered her one to  she went right for my eyes with her nails making them bleed I started to cry, and ran to one of the nurses and they took me to the nurses station  stop the bleeding I asked if I could called my mother and they  said yes I called my mom please come get me I told her what had happened she asked if I was still a homosexual I told her no she came over right away to  get me. At this point I would have told I was a butch male just to get out of this hell You see she lived in Simi Valley witch is out of Los Angeles county Witch put her out of there reach  so I stayed for two days but had to come back on  Sunday I cried I told my mother I wanted to come home to stay , she told me to call her on the pay phone she had a plan we talked about all the thing that had happened to me in the foster home all the rapes and the breaking of my leg and arms and how I spent a night tied to a toilet and dress up like a little girl and went to school that way everything up to that moment was on tape you see while you are in state hospitals every phone call is taped even payphones ,then I got a surprise when the head of the social workers.
            Mrs. Kirkpatrick she came to the hospital to tell me that Mrs. James would no longer be on my case then she set up a court date my mother was notified of the court date then as I waited an angel from God told me I was going home I started packing the nurses thought I flip my wig but the day came when we went to court.
           Mrs. Kirkpatrick came to get me she took my things put them in her car and she told the nurse I would not be returning at the court building my mother and I had smiles on our faces that were so big the light of God was on our faces we walked into the courtroom the judge took one look at us and told mom to take him home, Mrs. Kirkpatrick told my mother to fallow her she wanted to show us something we fallowed her we showed up at
             Mrs. James house they brought out all the presents my mother had bought me over the years for Christmas as well as birthdays all the things I asked for it was like Christmas in July I was so happy, then we drove to Simi Valley. Their I was home with my mother my brother was now older and I knew all this time he loved me but now he had changed he did not remember me. as I hoped but soon we were close.
            The house we owned by a biker he was in jail a few weeks went by when he came home he brought with him a group of bikers with him they parked on the lawn the group called the Satin slaves they were a bad group they went down the hill and killed a cow, that they stole from some one’s Ranch and cut it up and cook it you could smell the blood and beer they ruin the couch my mother owned   they pee on it. Bill Hoppie was name they even had a man name J.C.
          Who thought he was Christ on earth he said he could kill me and get away with it my mother was scared so we stack the dresser in front of the door in the middle of the night we left. We went in to Encino   were we got a room in a hotel we were going to school and then summer came when I wanted to swim the manager called my mother at work and told her that we had to move my body scared the other guest . My mother got angry she told the woman what they never saw a disabled child she told the woman at first we would not leave we had our rights to stay the woman told either we left or she would call the police to get us out my mother said fine.
So to another hotel we went in
           Sherman Oaks my mother asked me to stay in side so she could find a home for us when she did we moved in you see my always wanted to the mother in whom I never had she had a great imagination she fix our room like a jungle with tigers and zebras wall paper.
            With Bridge and blue carpet as water and she painted a waterfall on the closet doors.
With bamboo wall on one side. Tigers on the other we were  finally home the whole Building acted like we were family !Then they saw me at first it was as if they saw  ET but you would have thought I was ET the way they acted I came out of the building one morning when one of the older boys yelled out what the hell is that  is it real  soon to say he quit smoking pot they soon got us an to  me the children became friends we all would play and go on camp outs with my mother one time we went to big bear where my mother took all us she had thirteen kids in the care the boys started horse playing when my mother thought she would get them back  so  she went into a trance she became sitting Bull she was not really sitting Bull but it scared them enough to where the stopped playing around there was JP, David Fiengurg David Sergeants Karen her sister Sandy, Debbie who was the youngest she and I were the only ones who knew how to put up a tent, at this time the other  kids got to know me better so that’s when Sandy became closer to me she was afraid of me at first but now she protected me one of the outing we went to the beach when a few children were stirring at me she yelled at them she finely became my friend I was secretly in love with I never told that is why my hart broke when she pick a boy down the block  I started  going back to finished. school at Joaquin Miller high school were I was in a lot of plays like trail by jury and the Mikado I volunteered my mother to do the make-up she did she did not want to but when she saw the play she was proud of me then A young man by the name the last Howell asked me to his boy friend I like him he was rich his father was ok with him being gay one after noon he came over to visit while we were getting ready to go swimming he and I started kissing and rubbing each other when my brother came into the room when he saw what he saw he ran up stairs and called mother she came kicked the door open she said for the young man to call his father and get the fuck out of our home I told I loved him she said no son of hers was going to be a Fag when the father got there mother began to yell at him the man told her do you think these boys are going to find love like we have with lovers if they have found love what the problem she stated It is wrong.
           The Bible Says so the father look at me and ask me if I wanted to go with him and his son or stay with her narrow minded woman I almost left but mom had a hold on me and still dose to this day after that  day I graduated from high school I was valedictorian I started my speech as I explained to the crowed it was as my mother could not stop crying with pride as it wind down she smiled at me with a love that I never saw before but soon that would end . Then I started valley college were I took accounting as well as acting, at this time I came out of the closet I told my mother I was Gay and there was nothing she could do now that I was 18 years old she took her fist and swung broke my nose she said no son of mine was going to a homo. Because of being used to being in foster home by this time, I called her a bad name! (bitch) she did not like that but buy the next day I went to school any way when my counselor saw my face I told her my mother hit me she called the police they showed up went to my mothers job and took her to jail for hitting me .
                Since I was 18  an adult they put me In Topanga west guest home ,were I got my own money so I bought a car, And clothes. And a Disco flashing lights radio buy this time I forgave my mother and  I headed over to see my mother to show off what I had bought . I drove right up to the door if a POLICE would have been there I would have lost my drivers license ,was wearing purple paints silver top with a purple hat with a pink phloem I looked like a white pimp . Since I was living at Topanga west guest home I tried to express my inner self I heard on the radio about the gay center I called them they called Michael Vinegus who had a group called zero to success who dealt with gay handicapped people I moved in his house the first night I spend in his room I don’t know why but again I was forced to get into a sexual position and to top it off he had me pay $300.00 rent witch was his rent at the time. During all this I was going to U.C.L.A. taking nursing and social work my classes kept me out of the house most days then one week end I met Jackie he was a drag Queen friend of Michael
    Jackie Cicuteto who was Miss Z.T.S At Mike’s
She talked me a bout going into Drag for the first time.
          However, really I had done it all ready been in a dress. While I was in the house I saw some silver L’E Mae in the extra bedroom I asked Michael if I could buy It I made my own gown half with sewing and the rest with staples. Mike told me if I go out on stage for Miss Gay Universe you will have to move out I asked why he stated he was not living with a drag queen but I told him you did drag what’s the problem I tried to get my money back but Larry Marrow who was the producer told me no refunds.
        So the night came as I was doing my number all the judges thought I was real woman so when I came in second place. I was proud the next day mike found an apartment for me. I moved in but he thought he could leave  Ron his lover on my door step as if now I was suppose to take him he had full blown Aides.
        Before they knew, what it was this 1981 right at the beginning of the dieses? He was so sick I took him to the hospital a few weeks went by when he died.  Later that month Jackie came and asked me to move in with her and Dorothy she called her aunt Dorothy they moved in to a house in Van Nuys California that Jackie’s brother owned we were there until he sold it. Then we moved into West Hollywood on Orange Grove Ave. when I got my Check from the lawsuit against California John W. Miner for $7500.00 after buying a care for two thousand dollars Jackie and Dorothy talked me into putting the money into Dorothy’s account then they kicked me out.  When I wanted it back they told me it was gone I Spent it I knew they were lying went to the bank and tried to get but she change banks so I never got my money back I was then forced to living in Plummer Park for three month before I could afford an apartment.  Were I and my first boyfriend Donald Greg Crisp  and I  at the time, I was working at Okie  Dog’s  During this time Donald and I found a wallet  out side on the sidewalk the mans ID looked just like Donald so we rented a car and we went up to see his family we used the credit cards but I told him not to use the American express card they would find out we had the wallet but of course he did at one hotel up in San Francisco the phone rang it was the mother of the man she stated the cops were on there way so I told Donald let’s get the hell out of here or you and I are going to be cell mates we took everything we had I wiped down all the door knobs and tables we even took the dishes this way no D.N.A. was found in the room we got up to his mothers house I got to meet his family his sister took one look at me and whispered in my ear you know I know I don’t care but don’t let them know you are a man it would kill them I know my brother is Gay but they don’t know I agreed we headed back to los Angeles we drove all night we got back to the apartment I called the owner of the wallet he can pick up the wallet I’ am sure he knew but he said nothing and when he saw what we lived in he gave us $50.00 dollars reward for returning it in my mind I felt bad so when thing started going bad for us I knew it was karma but soon   I got a offer to work at a bar called Four stars I did Sheena Easton and made very good money soon I met others who thought I was great my name back then was Bunny Victoria Vince Jon As-Nile soon named me The Goddess Bunny soon I was in demand I went to work at Le ’Cage as Joan Rivers I thought I was great but soon they shout the doors and I went back to the Four Star work twice a week my fan base grew . Every were I went Goddess Bunny was known. I was asked to be in different shows Jon asked me to be in many of his movies like the Drift , The Ma Barker Story and then there was Larry Wessel who was a friend of Jon As-Neil and mine put my in a movie Sugar And Spice soon many young people were coming to see me I got Booked in San Francisco for twelve Days I performed at this night club that held over two hundred people were I made $700.00 per night it was great my name was a house hold name but why was I still sad my pictures  they sold out everywhere I got called to work for everything from stage to TV show but yet I was unhappy . Once a man called me to pose for him it was a postcard it was 1986 This photo sold out everywhere it was every girls dream I soon had fans having me sign autograph in stores as well as on the street I only made $300.00 posing but the photosphere made a lot of money I was going to college at UCLA learning Nursing and at night I worked at Paramount Studio as a page I join P.A.T.H Performing arts for Theatre  Handicapped Bob Cole was the C. E. O. of the group Henry Winkler , Anson Williams , Donny Most, Ron Howard were on the Board members we did show cases at CBS as well as Paramount Studios  I started to really learning the craft but I was going no where while on Paramount that’s when I met Mel Brooks he used me in History of the World 1 all they showed was my arms but it was fun .  This is from one of my live shows
It was not until 1984 when Penelope Spheris saw me on Hollywood Blvd she pulled over and took some pictures she asked if I would like to be in a movie I said yes she gave me her card, I called SAG to find out if she was legit they told me yes The Project was Hollywood Vice Squad. I played  Charlene a pimp secretary opposite Frank Gorshin and Robin Wright Penn with Carrie Fisher during al this I was arrested for position it went to court I asked the judge would he pay for this I said I can’t even give it away the case was drop . The movie was in the theatres and I miss the opening it was not doing well. 1986 My only residual was a check $25.00 it went straight to video tap. I got a big head I would go around saying apparently you do not know who I am that, I thought I was someone know my friends brought me back down to earth . but it was only one movie ,it was the eighties 1987 Prince was having a party at the Palace on Vine for Purple Rain I was coming down Vine from Argyle Ave were I lived at the time , he invited me in as his guest it was a fun party .
There were many parties that I got into back thin many big time stars were at the party’s. some of the performance I have done were for rich people I was once one big headed person I used to think my shit did not stink but soon I was put in my place when a roommate friend came home with me and after we had sex he stool my TV and ran out of the building the police told my there was nothing they could do. I saw him many years later he became a mess. And never said he was sorry but I knew he was many people think I ‘am a push over because I do not get mad that easy it dose take a lot to get me mad but I do get mad . In 1988 I graduated from U.C.L.A. then I went to New York were I was trying to get a job on broad way I went to an open casting call and got a small role in Sweeny Todd again I thought I was going to make it big but I did not after that I came back to Los Angles were I got a job a Hollywood Queen of Angels Hospital were I used my nursing skills to work with children with Aids I work there along side another Transsexual who was a social worker their she and I got along like old friends  after 12 years I found myself board so I tried acting again I soon found myself doing extra work I was on Love Boat and Putting on the hits that were my lip singing came in I was real good at that but the show was canceled after on season . Then I moved to Saint Frances come to find out it was no longer a hotel but a hostel I knew this was not going to work so I went to Texas with my brother and mother I tried to tell them I was not going to stay home and just go to church that was not me .
            I found myself going to Dallas I found A bar that had drag shows were I could be myself soon I was making the kind of money I was used to getting from a days pay when my mother saw the money soon she was asking for more of it to live there but it was my brothers house he said just pay what you can but mom would find thing for me to pay. I put the internet in the house as well as cable TV but Linda’s children ran the bill up soon I was paying   $ 700.00 just for a room as well as the TV and internet  it got to be too  much . Soon I wanted to go back to L.A. I called Carlos Gilbert Sandoval to let him know I was coming back he was happy but did nothing to pick me up but send someone with a car that was too small . And when I got to the place it was late the manger was not on duty so I stayed up all night then the morning I paid rent then I found out the hotel was closing by the state when the social worker came to get all of the disabled people out the guards that the owner hired kept them out soon the power was going to be shoot off I went down to the power company and asked if they would keep it on because of the disabled people they said we had three day’s when I went back the social workers were trying to get in the building when I told the guard to let them in and what the power company said they said we were told not to let them in I called the police they came one of the so called guards had a gun the police took him to jail the social workers came in I told them there was a man up stairs in an iron lung who was about to loose power I told them what the power company told me we had three days to move they said they would be back in the morning bright early the next day about thirty social workers were at the gate with the police they were there to move all the disabled people in hours all of us were placed I went to Highland Park I was there until Carlos aka Gilbert talked me into moving in with him and Doran . After  I moved in he tried to throw my thing away I told I want to go back he would not take me back when my phone got turned on I called them my room had been rented . Doran was driving me up the wall when I told him my family was once royalty in Italy he told me there was no royalty I said a long time ago but he kept it up until I fired him from being my aid . When Gilbert came home he told Gilbert I fired him then Gilbert kick me out it was a Friday my social worker was there he started crying like a baby saying I love you but yet he was kicking me out . Soon that night I got to new Image a shelter for the homeless was I stayed until I got sick.

IT was Amp by Angus Oblong  This story is about a woman who is an amputee who has no legs and a girlfriend who put her out there to find a man when she dose he not what she expects he made himself an amputee surgically that how much he loved amputees I played the girlfriend 

I also played in the play Boogieman where I played the fairy godmother and Grandmother at L.A.T.C It al most went to Broadway in New York but the Producer Diane White Director Rayza Abdul Died from AMUNE COMPUCATION from Aids.  This is I did Boogieman a play that Reza Abdul wrote I played a grandma and Fairy godmother.

                  I have been in three music video
Dope Show with Marilyn Manson Dr. Dre Puppet Master

Then there was me when I was just being the goddess at a show one of my friends Danny Fuentes put together here is me and Danny at the club right before the show

Gloria Stefan Rhythm gonna get you I was a dancer back ground

Here I m with Adam Lambert
Billy talent Fallen Leaves all the videos have done well everyone comes up to on the street to say hi.
While all this was going on I Married Donald G. Crisp March 12, 1985 in a garden ceremonies with 75 people we lived on Argyle Ave in Hollywood he was the love of my life he help me in everything many of the gays in L.A. Wanted him because he looked like John Schneider with Blond hair and muscles, he really love me and I blew it he started doing porn and I ran scared I knew he had cheated on me with a another people. I got angry so I kicked him out my roommates brought home a young man who looked like Adam Ant his look made my heart jump his name was Thomas Drozed  he was so dame sexy he thought I was stupid ,but I would do anything to keep him he would ask for $40.00 for a dime of weed I knew a dime was $10.00 I bought him leather clothes $1000.00 worth he had boots paints head bans and many more items we were together for nine years until my so called son Paul Messina brought home a 14 years old girl Thomas was 21 at the time I was 25 I knew there were gay bikers living under me in the building I stomp my feet they came running when I showed them what he was doing they had the young girl leave we tied him to a chair the bikers took turns fucking him this was my pay back for betrayal after I spent all my heard money and let go out I knew of the young model he was fucking but to do it in our bed that was the straw that broke the camel back . So after I untied him the bikers chased him out the building he was nude in the street I threw down the clothes he came in torn jeans t-shirt holey shoes he let when he was gone I felt lost there was this younger man in the building who got me strung out on crack cocaine I was doing $500.00 per-day  I went out and hooked every day I would make $1000.00 per-day on good days once I did Glendale College foot ball team in a van twelve men one right after the other that was the longest blowjob I ever gave . When I got home there was a man in my apartment steeling radio I tried to flag down a cop what I got was a under cover police who now had the goods on me you see I got off last time this not going to happen I spent 30 day in jail in a room by my self they had me on nitro to put me to sleep I never came out except at night the guard took me to the office were I sang to every one Judy Garland some were over the rainbow. Thin I did my Joan Rivers or Dean Martin when I left a friend came to pick me up Rafael she let me live with her when I got home everything was everywhere. I picked up what I could and left a few days went by I moved into a neither room. I called my mother and asked if I could come home I went to Texas I got there a phone call came in to ask if I would pose for Joel  Peter Wilkins called Leda  and the swan . It sold for $1400.00   I got paid $ 500.00
In addition, air faire this was my life every time I left Los Angeles I would get work but if I stayed I got no work. I paid my brother back for the first plain ticket then mom and I moved into our own house I paid $550.00 for three bedroom a few months went past I got the print in the mail my mother did not like it she thought it was porno I told it was in the museum I would hang for ever in Washington DC  I asked Joel if I could sell copies he said yes I had that right I tried but no buyers so I gave my copy to Glen Meadmore who was a friend of mine he and I were close we lived together for a year with his roommate Doran who was a sexy man but he had a problem with speed crystal myth he would get high and jack off for days by putting up nude pictures of men around his bed on the walls until he came one day as I was doing my day to day run I took a short cute down a ally when I came across a loss brick in a wall I found a brick size package of speed and some money I held on to the money but gave Doran the speed I check in to the Holiday inn I stayed for several days be I had all this money I got the penthouse suit I eight like I was a queen room service got tip well I went to the revolving restaurant at the top of the hotel this was fun when I finally came home Glen had moved out I would have to take care of Doran now that was not my plain I moved out Doran was out of control with the speed he brought A friend Mickey who was just as bad they got high everyday 24-7 I just could take it I got down 68 pounds this was why I looked ill they never cooked or bath it smelt like sex in the apartment I just had to go once again I called my family this time I was through with Hollywood back the Darryl’s house I went after about three month I call of my own drives were yelling so I ended up in Denver Colorado when I got there I thought I was going to be the same tempter but when I got off the plan I got to the terminal doors is six feet of snow I had on a tube top and many skirt with curler in my hair I show up at the club in witch I was going to work at night during the day at the independent living center I was a speech therapist my boss love me so much she paid for my first month rent for apartment it was a one bedroom the manager kept looking at me as if I was the last woman on earth he kept coming into my apartment while .
          I was in the shower he walked in I scream when I got to work I told my boss on of the men that was a regular he said I could move in with him and his wife with there three children one older boy 15 twins 8 years old the wife ask me if I thought if her husband was molesting her children I ask her why she thought that she said he takes the boy twin in the bathroom and are in their long period of time and her son was acting different  so while he was at work I set up a cam to the TV we recorded what went on while they were in their we got the proof  we need . The police were called when he came home the police were waiting for him but something happened  
           I was not ready for the wife kick me out I came home from work after paying all her back rent my stuff was on the steps here I was in a wheelchair and she kick me to the curb the police came and took me to this where house I spoke to the CEO I through a found raiser together paid the lease $2500.00 then I renamed I to People Assisting the Homeless I restricted the time that the homeless could live there we got donation daily. Soon we moved into our own building it was a three hundred bed for women and children we had teachers to teach the mother how to make a budget and how to make a dollar go longer.
            I got a phone call that the Wayne brothers were having a new show I was on the next plan down to LA I went to the show they wanted my to act stupid and do Lowie Armstrong but I was not feeling it I was promise $100.00 for the gig but never got the money so I left back to my hotel I was waiting for my plain when a young man came over to see me when he tried to still from me I lost it I broke his leg by running over it with my wheelchair . Then I called the police they came and arrested him the next morn I flew back to Texas once back I started to work as a Sunday school teacher at the first Baptist Church Of Texas not remembering I had sticker on my wheelchair about Punk Bunny one of my student went to the sight when the parent saw what they were looking at I was called The preacher fired me as a teacher just for that you see there was a blow up doll on the sight this offended the mother of the child. That when I met Rocky Wilson at the Spotlight Bar he was 6ft tall he looked so handsome it took three days after that he asked to Merry me I said yes I wanted a real Wedding this time I made my own wedding dress as well as the bridesmaids  dress here I am 
With Rocky at our reception that night Mathew Patrick help pay for my wedding , we truly loved each other but he had a dark secret he had been raped in jail I was not aware how bad it was after our honeymoon we played all night thin the next day he left for a long time about four hours when he got back there was something deferent about him I found out you see there was this girl in the bar that kept looking at Rocky but I did not no why she was in a wheelchair as well she had money because she was a performer at
Mexican bar call the Plaza witch she was one of their headliners I had saw her for many year her was Vassar she had short legs and big tits witch were fake as she was a friend you see I went to the spotlight to find Rocky I thought he may have stopped  for a beer when I went in Vassar was laughing she was telling a person that she just had sex with my husband I got pisst off  I grab her by her hair and drug her out side and proceeded to kick her ass I never forgave her we still do not talk to day . That hurt me very much and Rocky knew it when he got home I asked him do you have something to tell me he looked at me as if I was crazy then I said I beat the crapped out of Vassar she told me what you did with her I promised to love for better or worse the day after the wedding are you that much of a slut or was our wedding a lie? Or are you going to stop playing around we are married I will get out of this marriage if you don’t stop a few month went by when Rocky asked if we could move to Echo Park we found apartment near his mother , and step father I thought it was going to get better but every time he got near his family he got worse he kept fucking up he could have had a great life you see when he first came to California he was charged with arson when in fact he had not even arrived to California 12 Hours After the fire he was in New Mexico at the time .his family did not speak up in court to tell the judge that they had proof that they weren’t in California as of yet when the lawyer was lazy did nothing to defend Rocky I was gas receipt from gas station across the  states that showed time as well as date the district attorney should have look harder into the so call witness she said all she saw was black clothes that was all so when Rocky showed up in court wherein a black suit that’s why she said it was him she never saw his face the man was shorter then Rocky and so Rocky went through all that jail time for nothing yes he had been stupid like when he would find cars then when he found out they were stolen he wanted a finders fee like a reward for finding it he did not know it was wrong he was just dumb un-schooled in life and the attorney should have caught on and for all those years Rocky went through being raped every time he was in jail the system failed him as well as his family I was married 10 years with this man 7 of those years he was behind bars for thing he could not have done. It really is a shame that California put men in jail just to make a buck I have met more men who should have been on probation not jailed that’s what wrong with our country lawyers play games with our life it says in the BIBLE do not bare false witness one to another but yet lawyers are running our country. Now we got a divorced but I still love him still but he fell in the bad people path and got used by them he was big as well as stupid. Then I met two girls who were lovers while I was living at Grand view adult hotel they took me out of their and took me to a hotel on Highland avenue were I paid the rent for us all but it seem like they were in charge of me I did not like this  so I called  my friend Carlos Gilbert Sandoval ( Luigi) from Punk Bunny band he told me he had a house for me to live in I thought I was moving in with him but to find out this is were I lived  It was a  garden shed it cost $600.00 and then the guy who let the shed sit in his driveway was going to charge me rent after I paid for the dam thing I sleep on a bed they found on the street and I could not even use the bathroom I had to go to Mc Donald’s down the street I got my food delivered from Angle Food every day but they did not bath me or anything and the guy work for A.P.L.A. AS a case Manager he took my money then he wanted me to stay filthy this was not me I was raised right and I saw how Gilbert treated this woman that lived in his garage she lived like a piece of throw away person you know some who live on skid row but worse I got to the new image shelter after going to P.A.T.H. on Beverly they in turn sent me to new image I was there for 8 month while this was going on Gilbert friends wanted money for my shed field with my stuff on a drive way they wanted me to pay for something I already owned I told Gill to take and store my stuff what did he put it out side in a plastic been that leaked all my family photos got ruined with mildew  all my thing were gone Then I am suppose to like this man right I was really angry but thought well maybe it was the way he was raised I met his sister she was sweet Sally should respect to people you see I found another black sheep Gil had me fooled for a long time until we went to do a show it was all about him and his fucking body yes it was nice but I have seen better . Even when I came back from Texas he sent  some one else to pick me up at the bus station I got to the hotel it was called the Palace it was on sixth street when I got there no one was at the desk the building was as if it  was not in business I waited until morning out side I finely saw some one moved in to find out the place was being shoot down in thirty days or less I had no more money or any place to go I went to the power company to see what was up with the building they told me that the owner was not paying for water or power and that the social worker have been trying to get in the building everyday but were turned away , I said what I never saw a social worker even come to the door . When I got back I asked a Nabor what was going on he explain that the owner was opening a new place and the water would be on shortly I did not fall for that line I knew the jig was up a friend had a Lawyer who was going to help . I called him he said since the case was so he needs some help I went down to public counsel and started taking statement from all the tenant then I had to put them in the computer. This look a lot of work but I did it there were two hundred people that had given me all their statement on how while they were in the hospital their power wheelchair was sold from the hotel and now they had nothing to get around well I stared being a spy I found all the checks from the us Treasury in a desk I took the to the lawyer he in turn called the social surety office who jump on board now the day it went down we were all in court the judge told the owner he could no longer deal with hotels or deal with the disabled checks and had to pay all moneys to help us move the company agrees went back home the next day the social worker were there in force the building guards had guns drown I told them why are you stopping them you all are shoot down the guard said I was told to keep them out I called the police they told the guards put down their guns so the social workers could do there jobs soon every one got a place I move to Highland park Avenue 57 in the Highland park guest home it was like living on the set of dirty dancing with the bungalow’s the ADMINASTRATOR Maria was so nice the place  was quit I had my own room we had   barbeque on the weekends and I played  music for every one I still work at public counsel but soon that job ended we got our money and the lawyer move to down town office I started getting board so I went up and down Figueroa looking for work there was this bridal shop I got to know her she let me do little jobs  then I had her make my gowns I bought one each month soon I had a wardrobe  like a queen remember Gilbert well he came  over to see me he did not like were I was living so he moved me in with him well that did not last you he  had a boyfriend who was in competition with me everything I he had to challenge so I left there and was at new Image with all my stuff I got sick they said they would hold on to my things but when I got out they had thrown everything away I now was at Vernon Health care in a Nursing home wow from star to being here what a mess what happened to my life? Where did it go? After Vernon I went to Centinela Valley Care Center where I’ am to this day this place is a place of it own all the Charters of it’s own day by day one drama a laugh, a cry each day is a different chapter know one can keep up the staff is half the fun nutty very nice it is like living on a rollercoaster we all get along sure we have fight like all families but the love is their
There are many other thing I could tell you but I think this should show how much hell I went threw while being in Los Angeles and growing up some thing are better left unsaid some thing hurt to much to remember the full details but you can see you have to be strong to be in this world just to make a mark on it. To my family in whom I only have my younger Brother Derryl who I love very much along with my mother who has pass away my heart in filled with love and respect and to my fans thank you for all the years you have given me your love I want to say with out a fan no star is made 
Me and Pogo from Marilyn Manson, band
The dope show video
God bless you all …………………

Ruby is the person you need just to ask and if she can do it then it will
Happen and her friend who is the L.V.N. WE ALL GET ON LIKE A TRUE FAMILY

This is Rigo from OG ROMIEO AND CALI
HE WORKS As the ACTIVITIES Director we do games and other things

Once Asked too leave from Carlos Gilbert Sandoval’s Home I went to New Image Witch is a Shelter in the Los Angeles it is a wherehouse in down town Los Angeles . I thought I was going to build up my cash like I did before but I came down with Adeama in the legs . Went to California Hospital were they brought the swelling down . Then I went to Vernon Convalescent  Health Care Center were I was there for four month thin was moved to Centinela Health care center have been here for three years many people have died here since I have been here am I to die here? Hopefully not the latest death happened to a beautyfull lady here name is Anette St. Amont she look so close to the way  my mothe looked it was as if I lost my mother all
My Birthday 2012 was at 1051 Prairie Ave  I did Selena who is on of my fav. Singer here I am

The show was a great time with the friends that did come they enjoyed the show . At the end of the night the restarunt tryied to over charge me for a bottle of wine but one of my guest took care of the bill on of the people who lives at Centinela left a bill before paying for it.

This was all my guest at the party as you can see I was very happy…

                                                        THE END